"These Have I Loved" by Li Hollinger

These I have loved...

Drawing pictures in a steamed up windows, of hearts;
And names of those I love.
Running outside in my underwear when the first snow falls to make a snow angel,
Then dashing back inside to huddle under the covers.
Playing a videogame all the way through in one day, or three; not sleeping.
Brushing my teeth until my gums bleed.
Keeping inside jokes just between me and the people they mean something to.
Laughing at silly things.
Not being able to stop.
Using words other people don’t know – and not telling them what they mean.
Having an intelligent debate about something stupid, I could argue for hours.
Long books with small words;
And characters I can relate to.
Zombies.
Dreams that I know aren’t real.
Dreams that fool me.
Waking up to the smell of coffee already waiting for me.
Samantha.
A boy who thought he wasn’t human;
‘Till I proved him wrong.
Biting my nails until they bleed.
Walking a straight line until my legs ache, when the wind is pushing against me like a current.
People I can’t predict, and continue to surprise me no matter what.
Soft things.
The ‘tap’ing sound the keyboard makes when I type as quickly as I can.
Having another body beside me while I sleep – I like the warmth;
And the rhythm of a chest moving up and down against me.
Intensely over-reacting, only to realize how silly I was being later;
Then hating myself for it.
Being able to sit with someone for hours and talk, not minding if sometimes we run out of things to say.
Reciting quotes I don’t understand, and then mocking people for not getting them.
Houses with really high ceilings that make you feel small.
People who don’t think I’m weird when I sniff them.
Playing a movie in the background on my computer over and over
Until I can recite all the lines but have no idea what the actors look like.
Looking people in the eyes and not feeling like I’m going to vomit;
Or run away.
Bananas
When they’re still bright green.